Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s five stages of grief are a well-known framework for understanding the complex emotions associated with loss. Originally presented in her 1969 book, On Death and Dying, these stages describe the range of feelings people typically experience when facing death or significant loss. Though not everyone experiences all five stages or in a linear order, they provide a useful model for comprehending the grieving process.

Denial: The first stage is denial, a defence mechanism that helps buffer the immediate shock of the loss. In this stage, individuals may struggle to accept the reality of what has happened. For example, they might think, “This can’t be happening,” or “There must be some mistake.” Denial can help us survive the initial wave of pain.

Anger: As the numbing effects of denial wear off, pain may emerge. This often manifests as anger. This anger can be directed at inanimate objects, strangers, friends, or family. It can also be directed at the deceased or even at yourself. Anger is a natural emotion, providing an outlet for the intense feelings of helplessness and frustration that accompany loss.

Bargaining: In the bargaining stage, individuals may dwell on what could, or should, have been done differently. It can be a very punishing place to inhabit. Some people might make “deals” with a higher power, hoping to reverse or lessen the impact of the loss. Common thoughts include, “If only I had done this differently,” or “If only I had more time.”

Depression: This stage involves deep sadness and regret. Individuals may feel overwhelmed by the magnitude of their loss, experiencing feelings of emptiness and despair. It is a crucial stage for processing the true extent of the loss and its impact.

Acceptance: Acceptance is not about being “okay” with the loss, but rather about acknowledging reality and learning to live with it. In this stage, individuals begin to adjust to life without their loved one.

Understanding these stages can help those who are grieving to recognise their feelings as normal and valid, providing a roadmap for navigating the difficult journey of loss.